Have you ever been on the receiving end of a “non-apology”? One of those apologies that left you wondering, “what was that!?” How do you deal with the unapologetic offender? And what if you are the offender? Yikes! How good are you at apologizing? You’re listening to Jewish Latin Princess everyone. Welcome. I don’t know that I’m so good at apologizing. I recently had to apologize to my really good friend. It was all my fault.
Apologizing is hard and being on the receiving end of a non- apology is also hard. You think, “Seriously!? Can’t you take responsibility for what you’ve done!?” To help us navigate this, I have the wonderful Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. on the show.
Harriet is a clinical psychologist and one of our nation’s most respected voices on the psychology of women and family relationships. She is the author of numerous scholarly articles and 12 books including The New York Times bestseller, The Dance of Anger, which has sold several million copies with over 25 foreign editions. Her latest book is Why Won’t You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts. And that’s what we talk about today.
And what about forgiveness? As Jews we are taught in the Torah to forgive those who’ve harmed us and who genuinely apologize. And there are also rules as to what a genuine apology is. Harriet thinks the topic of forgiveness is not black and white. There might be degrees to forgiveness and she has seen, throughout her work, that the pressure of having to forgive can be quite harmful.
I do want to apologize ahead of time, because the quality of the audio today is not as usual. We had a few issues, but trust me, this is one that we all need to listen to! Here we go ladies, here’s Harriet Lerner.